Will Iron Man 2 suck?

[deceptisean]

Is it me? I have a sinking feeling about Iron Man 2. It might just be my eternal negativity about everything, but I don’t know. I haven’t really been impressed by any of the stills that I’ve seen. I haven’t been able to take a look at any footage before Studio execs strike them down. And until I see footage, I can’t shake this feeling that it looks stupid. Now, you might be reading this in the far-flung future, having already seen Iron Man 2, and saying “What are you, a moron? I just saw the movie and it was freakin’ awesome!”. But you have to realize that I’m writing this on October 27, 2009. At this point, all I'm seeing is Mickey Rourke in fetish gear.

First of all, why Whiplash as the main villain. I know he’s a classic Iron Man villain, but of all the classic villains they chose Whiplash? Whiplash, seriously. You’re trying to follow up the success of the first Iron man movie with a spectacular sequel, and you come up with Whiplash. Why not Mandarin? Why not Titanium Man? Or even the effin’ Melter for eff sakes.What is Whiplash’s power? Well . . . he has whips. Really?? How the hell is he supposed to fight Iron Man??? Can you imagine how lame that would look?

And what is up with the leather strap fetish gear Mickey Rourke is sporting in those silly stills? People are fond of saying that Whiplash goes through various phases of “armour” (if you can call it that) and this is an early phase. Okay, but if it looks that dumb, why even show it!? I didn’t think it was possible, but they actually made a costume that’s even sillier than the comic one. And don’t tell me he fights Iron man at a NASCAR rally. When will Americans learn that nobody cares about NASCAR? Even Americans don’t care. It’s just Americans living in the Southern states that seem to be obsessed with this crap, but anyone south of Texas, North of Iowa and East or West of the lower 48 States doesn’t care!! I like how they try to shoe-horn in NASCAR guys every-so-often into TV commercials and movies. You’ve probably seen it. Some smiling dude walks into frame and everyone goes gaga. I’m usually left thoroughly confused “Who the hell is that guy??”. I remember one scene in the Herbie reboot with Lindsay Lohan where these three guys go up to Herbie and start muttering lines like “I’ll tell you what, that’s a sweet ride.” “Yup, sure is.” “Yup, I’ll tell you what.”. I had no idea what was going on. I was like “are these guys stars?? This scene looks like it was made just to have them yap about “I’ll tell you what” but I can’t place the faces. Am I supposed to know who these fart-heads are?”. Later, I realized that they were NASCAR “stars”. Are you effin’ kidding me?? I predict that there will be a scene in Iron Man 2 where NASCAR “superstars” walk up to the Iron Man armour:

NASCAR “superstar” #1: I’ll tell you what, that’s some sweet armour.

NASCAR “superstar” #2: Sure is, I’ll tell you what.

NASCAR “superstar #1: Oooooweeeeh, some sweet design, I’ll tell you what.

NASCAR “superstar #2: Yup.

NASCAR “superstar #1: Yup.

NASCAR “superstar #2: I’ll tell you what.

It’ll be the single most embarrassing moment for Marvel in it’s decades-spanning history. But enough of this NASCAR bashing. The NASCAR scene reminds me of a typical comic-movie formula, where the hero gets defeated by the villain (or narrowly escapes an attack from a villain), then licks his or her wounds and comes back more pumped up and improved to defeat the villain in the final act. Okay, but we have a problem. Our villain is Whiplash, who has almost nothing covering his leathered up torso, and we have frickin’ Iron Man!!! Are you seriously going to show Whiplash give Iron Man a run for his money? And we’ve heard rumours that War Machine is in this movie. Okay, cool. I would like to see a live-action War Machine. But does that mean that lame-looking Whiplash is such a formidable foe that Iron Man has to actually team up with War Machine and Whiplash needs not one, but two Iron Man to defeat him. Are you kidding me??? And let’s say that Whiplash is not the only villain. We know that Black Widow is in this. But now does that mean that Iron Man has trouble fighting some skinny chick and a dude with leather straps and bandolas??

You see what I mean? This isn’t shaping up well in my mind. Why couldn’t they go with Mandarin or Ultron or someone as the villain? And it's not like they can save them for a sequel. What sequel? Last I heard, it's straight on to the Avengers movie. And I don't want to see Mandarin fighting the Avengers, I want Madarin to fight Iron Man in ann Iron Man movie. Hopefully it’ll all work out, but Paramount and Marvel Studios has to understand that by not showing us footage of how these Iron Man 2 characters will work, and releasing out-of-context stills, you’re making Iron Man 2 look wholly stupid. We’ll see come next year.

[J-Man]

this was too funny! I totally agree with you. Lets make Striker the next villain. Come on, i think Ultron, Dynamo or Mandarin would be just great to have in there. Whiplash couldve been the max shrek character from batman returns.
J-Man

[Antomic Bomb]

I saw the comic-con footage before it got brought down. It looks mighty interesting and I completely disagree with what Deceptisean has said. Though he is right about the villain being more prestigious from the Iron Man roots. I have faith in Favreau. From the footage I saw, I was not disappointed at all.

And for your information, it's a formula 1 racing track, not NASCAR.

[J-Man]

I have faith in favreau too, but usually the NLs would be all over this stuff by now.

[deceptisean]

Well shucks, I apologize that I got F1 mixed up with NASCAR. But that shot of the track still gave me inspiration to slam NASCAR being shoved down our throats. Some of that stuff needed to be said ;D

I have faith this will be good, but I don't understand Whiplash. Without seeing moving footage, this all looks so silly in stills. And with Marvel's insistance on an Avengers movie, I don't think we'll be seeing an Iron Man 3 with Mandarin or someone cooler than Whiplash anytime soon. They've already put Hulk on hold after one (or is it two) movie for use in Avengers. Where's my Hulk movie with The Leader in it??

[stephenstein]

Well Decepitsean, I must also disagree. While I too cringed at Whiplash's S & M getup, I did like the first one enough to say that I will give Favreau some breathing space, at least until I see the first trailer. If it looks like ass, I'll say as much, but right now, going off the first film, we'll wait and see. I haven't even seen the first trailer, so I can't judge, other than Whiplash looks weird, and Black Widow looks pretty good (and no, I'm not saying that because I'm all horny for Scarlett Johansson...I'm not a 13 year-old, who thinks Transformers is good because of Megan Fox).

That being said, I understand your concern, I just plead patience. As for the Nascar/F1 scene...I think it's just to put people in jeopardy, ala a mall or an amusement park, so I'm not too concerned. However, if it was like a twenty minute sequence which was basically an advertisement for F1 racing, I would be enraged, incensed, and eating my own shirt. So rest assured, if any of that garbage does go down, there will be HELL to pay.

As for Hulk, never mind Hulk, where's Abomination! I mean, you can't tell me that piece of crap in the last movie was Abomination. They haven't done him right, at least Absorbing Man absorbed stuff, where was the Abomination??? I don't think Avengers will happen anytime soon, they still have so many characters to introduce, Thor's not coming out for a while, and I haven't heard jack about Captain America, and who else? Are they going to be ballsy, and introduce Hank Pym, or Wasp? Like, what exactly is the plan here? Inquiring minds want to know!

[glow=green,2,300]- Stephenstein[/glow]

[deceptisean]

There was supposed to be an Ant Man movie, another character movie leading to an Avengers film, directed by the Shaun of the Dead guy (not Simon Pegg, the other guy), but that might not happen now that Pixar is reportedly all horny to do Ant Man as a Pixar CGI movie (which will probably be as cartoony as their other films).

Captain America is supposed to be for 2011, but I can't really see that heppening right now. Thor is closer to being made now that there's a script, director, and now a cast is coming together.

As a fanboy, I like this strategy of keeping continuity and all. I mean, this is the type of thing I dreamed of as a kid. But at this pace, I feel like by the time they make these individual movies, line their ducks up in a row and finally make an Avengers movie, The comic-book film genre could burn out with audiences.

[stephenstein]

Ahh man, I wish that wasn't how it was supposed to be. I mean, what's the point of Ant-Man being CGI? Oh wait, I know.

It's because no one in Hollywood has imagination. Okay, that's rather a broad statement, so let me rephrase that...most people in Hollywood have no imagination. Remember Joss Wedon, Wonder Woman? "Yeah, I can't do it, I can't figure out how to do it." What do you mean? It's not Batman? Of course it's not Batman, it's something known as mythology. Let's say it altogether class, mythology. As in something that has been in our culture longer than you, you dumbass. This is from the man who invented Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and Dollhouse...all realistic television shows, that capture the times and tribulations of everyday life, right?

I mean, why does Ant-Man have to be CGI? Why does it have to be Pixar? Why can't it be live-action? I'm sure Edgar Wright (the Shaun of the Dead guy) wasn't sitting there saying "Oh, I can't do it live action, it's got to be cartoony. What is wrong with these people???

Oh, and I agree, we're not going to see Avengers for a while. Captain America will take another 3 years to debut, who knows when we'll see Thor (probably 2011?), and Ant-Man, well you just saw my rant on that, so enough said. Effing Hollywood man, they can't do this crap right without it being a major hassle.

[glow=green,2,300]- Stephenstein[/glow]

[deceptisean]

Yeah, I don't think that the CGI Ant-Man wil have anything to do with the Avengers movie. The live-action would have tied into the Avengers. Whatever. There were reports about Lassetter getting excited at a Disney/Marvel meeting after the big sale of Marvel, and rumours were that he liked Ant-Man, which makes sense to their family-friendly stuff. And, really, it may even be live-action, as Pixar is supposedly doing the live-action John Carter of Mars. So, we'll see.

It used to be that you could have faith that no matter how many stupid ideas you hear coming out of Hollywood regarding a superhero movie, the film would turn out pretty sweet, like the 1989 Batman which had troubling rumours coming out of it while in production. But lately that's not true at all. Nobody takes the time and care into these movies for them to work. Back when Superman and Batman wree oddities on film, the studios took care to make them really good and prove the legitamacy of superhero movies in theatres. But now that superhero movies are popular, there's nothing to prove anymore. So they pump out superhero movies with abandon with no care as to how they look and feel and you get crap like Elektra or Catwoman or even freakin' Superman Returns.

It's the whole reason why modern day Western movies are usually really good. Because Westerns are not popular anymore, so studios and filmmakers take care to craft well-made movies with interesting stories because they're trying to prove how cool they can be. If Westerns were to become popular again, then it would be full-steam ahead, cookie-cutter-crankin' crap.